I never realise until I am there. Until I find myself feeling sick with disgust at my old interests and desperately seeking something to latch on to. If you know an autistic person, adult or child, know that the space between our passions is always terribly unsettling. Sometimes it feels bleak, for there is nothing to be excited about, nothing to dig in to. Sometimes it feels lonely, for we have lost our way of connecting with other humans. Sometimes it is scary, because we have taken away the only thing holding our mind tethered, keeping anxiety, or mania, or paranoia, or depression at bay.
I learned I was autistic in my 30s. Not long afterwards, I came across the word chameleon to describe how many autistic people change our communication, voice, interests, and actions to mirror the people we are with, or to fit in with the norms of a group. Looking back on the way I had survived … Continue reading Don’t shame us for being chameleon
When I was 21, I came out and it felt like the whole world rejected me for loving a woman, even if it wasn’t the whole world.